90% of New Year’s resolutions are abandoned within one month. People try to change too much for unclear reasons, sometimes before they are ready for change.
And yet most people will make New Year’s resolutions, and ask others what theirs are.
Why do we continue to do this when statistically there is little chance of success?
My Resolutions Of Januarys Past
I used to be a big believer in resolutions. Mid-December I would sit down and figure out all of the things I wanted to change in my life. I would make a list, post it on the bathroom mirror, and then promptly go on living exactly as I had before.
Needless to say, if any of my resolutions actually stuck, it was pure chance, because I certainly wasn’t doing anything active to make sure they worked.
And then, because I was raised in the Midwest with an over-developed sense of responsibility, I would blame myself for months for not sticking to the resolutions.
How Could It Possibly Have Worked?
Looking back on it from some distance in time, I realized that the reason resolutions never worked was because I only defined the goal. There were no steps to get there, and there certainly was no consideration if this was something I really wanted to take on. And we won’t even talk about the quantity of things I set out to change.
I realized that doing resolutions like this was like saying “I want to be on the best seller list” without ever thinking about it again or writing a word.
Monthly Goals
Instead of New Year’s resolutions, I started doing monthly goals. But this doesn’t mean spreading my unconsidered resolutions over a full year. It’s a different approach that allows me to focus on one thing at a time, and to make sure that it is truly achievable and worthy of my attention and effort.
I started refining my thoughts and techniques and have had success, so I thought I would share it here.
Choosing a Monthly Goal
I do not choose 12 goals in January. I choose a single goal that I am going to work on for the month.
I do make a list of things that I would like to change, very much like my old resolution list, but the purpose is to give myself some ideas.
I then refine the list and choose the one goal for the month. I will then sit down and figure out how I am going to get there – what it would take on a daily and weekly level to change this thing in my life.
Starting With A List
I take a blank document and do a brain dump of everything I want to change. I number the items simply so that I have a way to reference them.
I try very hard not to edit myself while I am doing this. I find that editing while writing closes off the creativity, and causes me to miss things.
Is This Something I Want?
I have tried very hard over the years to let go of the “shoulds” that society and my community put on me. I try not to accept something simply because other people have done it or because someone tells me I should do something.
That’s not to say I don’t do some of those things – it means that I consider it would be right for me to do.
For example, some years ago one of my in-laws pointed out that I am the only one among the group who only has a bachelor’s degree. Everyone else has a master’s or equivalent. I took this to mean that I should pursue a masters. The problem was that I didn’t want one. It wouldn’t have furthered my career, and it wouldn’t have given me any knowledge that I was missing for my job. It was some years before I took that goal off of my list.
It is back on my list now, but simply because I am considering it so that I can teach at the community college level when I retire. But this is my goal now, with a definite reason.
I find that going through the list and asking why (up to 5 times) for each item allows me to get rid of things that shouldn’t be on the list.
Example 1: Finish the Smokey Mountain Cats Cross Stitch
This is a very large, (every bit of the fabric covered in various shades of blue) cross stitch that I have only gotten 1/4 done in 10 years.
Why? I should finish it because I have done so much on it. Why? It seems bad to waste the effort already put in. Why? (The time is sunk) Why?…
This got crossed off the list (and the unfinished project tossed).
Example 2: Exercising
Now that I am done with radiation, and dietary changes have made a huge difference in my LDL numbers, I need to address the extra weight I am carrying. I also need to address the pre-osteoporosis condition found in the course of my treatment. That means aerobic and weight bearing exercise and eating better.
Why? To head off future medical issues. Why? Osteoporosis and diabetes are both in my family. Why? I don’t want to be on more medicines long-term. Why? I want to have an active long life. Why? To enjoy time with my daughter and her future family. This is definitely worthy.
Ranking Them
I go through the list, now much smaller, and rank the goals. I look at 3 factors:
- Do-ablility: do I have the skills/time/materials to move on this goal now?
- Relative Importance: instead of ranking the whole list, I assign an importance of 1 through 5 to each item. This allows me to look at all of the most important tasks at once.
- Payoff: some goals have a bigger payoff than others. In my examples above, exercising has more payoff in my overall life than finishing a cross stitch.
Choosing The Goal
Once I have done this, I take a look at all the doable items that are important with the biggest payoff.
It’s usually a small list of 2-3 items, and they are things that I want to tackle.
Doing The Goal
The process doesn’t stop here. Once I have the goal, I have to make a plan on how to get there.
Choosing “Done”
I’m big on defining what “done” is on any project. This keeps projects from lingering indefinitely.
It also keeps projects from appearing done, even when they are not in the their final form. For example, I had several cross stitch projects that I was done stitching, but they weren’t done, as in they weren’t framed and ready for display. They lingered for months, and I would mentally brush them aside every time because I had completed the stitching. Crazy.
For my exercise goal, I have decided this is has two prongs: I need to exercise, and I need to change how I am eating.
Neither of these lends itself to a “done”, so I am going to manufacture some: I will walk outside or exercise inside for 10 minutes each day; and I will track all food I eat on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.
Starting Small, Where You Are
My daughter recently complained that she didn’t want to go to the gym because it was always overcrowded in January. So many people sign up for memberships and try to go from not exercising to forcing themselves to the gym 3-5 times a week.
It’s not going to happen like that.
In order to hit any goal, you need to start small, and start where you are.
In my case, I am still dealing with the variable energy caused by radiation. There are days when I can do many things. And there are days when it is necessary to nap multiple times.
That’s why I picked 10 minutes a day of walking or using the equipment I have inside. 10 minutes is doable even if I am having a moderately low energy day. To account for the low energy days, I have told myself that if I don’t exercise, I need to nap for 30 minutes.
Tracking meals gets me to think about how I am eating. If I tell myself I have to track, I automatically make better choices.
Making It Doable
Going from 0 to 7 days a week is not going to happen. It is important to remember that you don’t have to do something every day to make it “count”. Three times a week is a habit.
I could set out to track every bite I put into my mouth every day. I know that it is not going to happen.
So I am starting out with tracking three days a week. The days I have picked are ones where it is most tempting to eat poorly: Saturday, when I am out and about and tempted by fast food; Thursday when I am in the office and tempted by the vending machines; and Tuesday because that is often a busy day where I don’t remember to take regular breaks.
Tracking Your Progress
I am a big fan of the streaks method, where you see how many times you have done something on a calendar. There are a lot of habit tracker apps out there, and I use several of them at the same time to track different areas of my life.
If you don’t track, you can’t see how well you’ve done. Gather your data and review it!
In Conclusion
Making resolutions that stick isn’t about grand gestures or complete life overhauls. It’s about taking thoughtful, measured steps towards meaningful change. By choosing one goal at a time, starting small, and staying consistent, you can build lasting habits that truly improve your life. Remember, sustainable change happens gradually – focus on progress, not perfection, and celebrate each small win along the way.
