Flylady, the lovable woman who insists anyone can have a clean and peaceful home, is an internet phenomenon. Her no-nonsense advice and pointed reminders have helped people across the globe. She believes her system will work for anyone, regardless of age, sex, income, country or employment status. (Flylady points out that she is a working woman, therefore her system works for working women. And I know from personal experience that it works for those who stay at home.)
I followed Flylady for many years. And felt guilty for not being able to make it work. It was a struggle for me. I would get the reminders as I sat at work, and had every intention of doing the tasks when I got home. But life, more often than not, intervened.
I have decided to free myself of the guilt of not being able to make Flylady’s system work. I feel guilty because it worked for me in a small condo before children, and it worked when I was unemployed. Yet add an out-of-home job and child into the mix, and I can’t make the system work. Was I not doing it right? Flylady would tell me the problem was me.
Here are the ways Flylady doesn’t work for me:
The Massive Influx of Emails
When I left Flylady, I was getting 10-20 emails a day from her. Besides the reminder emails which were supposed to spur me into doing something around the house, I also received testimonials, missions of the day, product recommendations, recipes and various other sundry. Her recommendation was to save the reminder emails up for when I got home and deal with them then. But honestly, when I got home, I didn’t want to fire up my computer and drag myself through emails to remind me of things I was already “late” on.
Zones
While I understand the idea of breaking a house into Zones and focusing on each one to prevent distraction, I never could cram my house to fit into the standard 5 zones. A whole week in the kitchen, and a partial week to cover my living room, music room and sun room? How about week three, with two bathrooms, and three bedrooms? And does the guest room need to be cleaned as often as my daughter’s room? Then there was the mixing in of Kelly’s missions, which were supposed to lead us through cleaning the entire house. If I did the mission it wouldn’t necessarily address what needed to be done.
Bedtime
No one appreciates a full amount of sleep more than I do. And I do aim to get to bed by 10:30 every night. But the Flylady reminder fires out at 9:00 to start getting ready for bed. At the time my daughter was going to bed at 8:30, the only time I have to myself is after she goes to bed. I grew resentful of being told I had to take my down time and go shine my sink.
The Sink
Yes, the sink is a good place to start. Cleaning out your sink and giving yourself a clean spot to “grow” from. But being reminded to keep my sink shiny when there are other people in the house is pointless. I was constantly shining my sink, only to have someone put dishes into it. And her solutions to this just increased the stress level in my house.
Shoes
Yes, having shoes on can save you from injury. I know that, because I managed to break a toe playing Scrabble. But having shoes on in the house is a good way to spread dirt around. I’m not Mr. Rodgers. I don’t have time to be switching shoes.
Why Say All This?
My sole reason for saying all this is to let everyone know that if Flylady doesn’t work for you, IT’S OKAY. You’re not the only one. Dump the guilt and move on.
And why break it down? Because I’ve been thinking about where I couldn’t do Flylady, and I’ve made my own system to compensate for the weaknesses I found in Flylady. Because all that really matters is that I get to a peaceful and orderly home.
Thank you soooooo much for this article! I work about 40 hours a week, go to school, and have 2 kids. Flylady worked for me when I worked part time and had 1 baby. I gave up and hired a cleaning lady and it was the best thing I ever did for my sanity.
I’m glad you like it. I just think that people need to be aware that just because something doesn’t work for you doesn’t mean the fault is yours. And we’re only human. We can’t do everything. If it comes down to trading time with my daughter to spending time vacuuming, I know that the carpets will wait.
I’m glad you found a workable solution!
I too have recently left Flylady. I loved the site for the detailed cleaning lists and some basic routines, but the mass influx of unwanted and unnecessary emails drove me insane.
I go to school till 11pm at night, we don’t wear shoes in our home, so much of her routine just did not fit my life. I now do my own little routine and am much happier. My house stays tidy and if it looks a little lived in, that is just fine by me!
THANK YOU! I’m glad I’m not the only one who couldn’t hack the fly lady system. I feel your pain with the deluge of e-mails, plus the zone thing. She says it works for everyone, but not for me! Thank you for reminding me that I’m not alone.
Yes, yes, yes, and YES!!!! Thank GOD I’m not the only one, and for the same reasons. I tried, God KNOWS I tried, to make FlyLady work, and I just couldn’t. And I’m a stay at home mom! I have other things I must do with my time. My house is tidy, well organized (I can find anything I need within 15 minutes, and if it takes longer than that it’s a pretty good indication to start clearing stuff out), and if the dog hair is starting to breed, well then, I’ll get to eventually. My vacuum is terrible. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
I try to explain to others that FL doesn’t work for everyone (had QUITE the discussion on Facebook), but no one seems to believe me. Oh, I also got rather tired of her product ads…and the feather dusters are terrible.
Enough rant from me. So glad to see someone else feels this way! 🙂
not certain why FlyLady wouldn’t work for you, but if it didn’t, it didn’t. It’s quite obvious that you really didn’t understand or follow her instructions from what you’ve written. That’s ok, and she’ll tell you that it’s ok if it doesn’t work for you. Hopefully you’ll find something somewhere that does. Good luck!
While I appreciate your comment, I beg to differ. I followed her instructions day in and day out for five years. Because I was convinced that something that worked for so many people had to somehow work for me. I had testimonials published about my small successes, which to me were huge, because I had so few successes while doing the system. I finally threw in the towel, realizing that for whatever reason, I just wasn’t interested in trying to make it work anymore.
It never became a habit. Following the instructions felt more to me like trying to walk backwards constantly. I never felt comfortable enough to live without the lists, and honestly, the routines were a straight jacket.
That’s not to say that all of the system hasn’t worked. I still have zone lists, because they are good reminders of what needs to be done. But I don’t do them on specific weeks in the month. I still do a “weekly home blessing”, because the bathrooms and kitchen really do need attention every week. But I don’t follow her list, and I do it as it fits my schedule. And I run errands on one day only. Routines have been very helpful with my daughter, and my binder of household information has been very helpful in the two situations where someone has had to take over the household during medical emergencies.
Oh Thank God for this post. I was never able to ‘get’ FL to work for me either, with a job outside the home or within the home. Add kids to the mix and rather than a beautiful cake of a home, I had/have a mud pie. FL followers can be quite rabid about no longer followers not trying hard enough. Bunk.
Like you, I too gleaned a few tips, but for me, FL’s considerable quantity of emails left me feeling more stressed and anxious than did a messy – but organized- home.