Too many people talk about living a balanced life, as if life can be slotted into the chunks of a pie graph. This is the balanced life myth. The truth is, we don’t balance, not as people typically think.
In fact, it’s not about doing more, but rather being deliberate about what you do, and letting the rest go.
It’s Not A Pie
For far too long I tried to live a balanced life; but what I forgot is that balanced doesn’t mean equal. If I was giving 8 hours a day to my work, using the equality method, I would have to give 8 hours to my family, and 8 hours to my interests…every day. So much for sleeping!
Sometimes my family gets more of my attention than my interests, and vice versa. There are days when I work more than my allotted 8. It depends on where I am and what the demands on me are.
It’s More Like Spinning Plates
The truth is, in our extreme busyness, we are like those circus actors who spin plates on sticks. We get the sticks going, and we give each plate the attention as it is needed. Sometimes one stick may need more attention than the others.
If you have too many plates, you’re not going to be able to keep them all going. Sometimes you can give a plate a really good crank and it will spin for a while without further attention. Other times you will need to give the same plate more spins.
And if you aren’t skilled enough or pay enough attention, sometimes even with help, you end up with a whole lot of broken plates.
Is this really balance? I don’t think so.
For Everything There Is A Season
I’ve been thinking a lot lately. With COVID still prevalent, there is ample time to think and consider. I look back at the whole balance concept with new eyes. I think it’s time to bust the balanced life myth.
Yes, when we are busy, it can seem like spinning plates. And I think a lot of that comes from trying to add more things in. We know we have something that needs to be done, so we spin up another plate, all the while trying to keep the other ones going.
But when we have less things on our plates (pun fully intended), we can spend more time and attention on those things.
Our lives run in seasons. We have busy times and not-so-busy times. We may have times when we have to focus on some things and let the others go, or stop them altogether.
For instance, every November, I clear out my schedule, and I spend my free time writing. It’s part of the season of National Novel Writing month. Every July I clear the decks for a week so I can do my yearly plan for the blog. Winter is usually the time for knitting and other fiber work as well as video games, while spring, early summer and late autumn are about being outside.
Recognizing these seasons can not only give you a break from monotony, but also give you an impetus to finish off projects.
Knowing You’re Off Balance
Being out of balance always reminds me of being on the merry-go-round when I was a kid. Spinning fast, hanging on for dear life, with a little bit of nausea if I dropped my eyes to what was actually going on instead of staring at something distant.
I know I am out of balance when every waking moment becomes a litany of “there-is-so-much-to-do-and-I’m-never-going-to-get-it-all-done-and-maybe-if-I-just-try-harder/sleep-less/get-smarter-a-miracle-will-happen.”
I’ve done this over and over throughout my life, and the miracle has never happened. What’s the definition of insanity? Oh, yeah: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” (Not by Albert Einstein, by the way, who understood that it is possible to get different results with quantum mechanics. Not so in deliberate living.)
I don’t really have to explain how you know you’re out of balance. If you take a few minutes to sit quietly, you will know if you are out of balance or not. It varies by person, but you will know.
Getting Back In Balance
The time I have had, thanks to COVID, has been a lot less busy and more about being deliberate. And that, I realize is where the balance lies.
I never want to get back to the place where I am spinning plates.
I only want to focus on things that I am actively working for the season. Yes, it will be fewer. But by concentrating on fewer things, I have time to reflect, relax, and do all of the things that keep me off the merry-go-round.
It means selecting the projects I am actively working and letting the others rest.
It means giving myself a day off each week with a break from the task list. (I can work it if I choose, but I can also read or nap or do whatever else I want)
It means realizing when I am about to jump on the merry-go-round to begin with.
Things to Consider
Do you believe in the balanced life myth? How do you know when you are out of balance? Do you recognize the seasons in your life? Or do you keep your plates spinning and hope that nothing falls?
