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The Secrets of Eliminating Daily Stress: People

Photo by finsec

Stress doesn’t always come from huge events in our lives. It can be caused in little amounts by small events, and build up to the point where it has the same impact as a major catastrophe. Over the next few Fridays, I’m going to examine some of the causes of daily stress and give some suggestions on what can be done to alleviate them.

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People

People come in all shapes and sizes, and no one (not even Mother Theresa) is immune to the annoyances they cause. Whether it is personality, mannerisms, manners, culture or a million other things, the very things that make us individuals can also cause friction. I won’t try and address dealing with all these potential sore spots, but I want to look at demands.

Demands

Sometimes people may be making actual demands, and sometimes we just think that they are. If these demands are counter to what we want to do, it causes us stress. Getting around this type of stress called for adjusting expectations, theirs or ours. Depending on how the person is involved in our lives, there are different tactics we can use to adjust expectations, or as one of my co-workers puts it, “calibrate the user”.

The first thing I try to ask myself is, “How important is this to them?” If my daughter is being lazy and wants me to pick up after her, no go. If my mother wants me to help her pick out a computer, yes, I will do it. If a coworker wants me to look at code because she’s been staring at it so long she can’t see the error, I will help. If a colleague wants me to take on his work because he doesn’t want to do it, no go. It’s about balance. If the issue really isn’t that important in the grand scheme of things, you are usually safe in negotiating it or refusing. “No, I’m not going to pick your socks up off the floor.” or “I would love to meet you for lunch today, Mom, but I have a deadline. How about next Tuesday?” Yes, I push back when my bosses give me something I think is a complete waste of my time and their money; but if they insist, it is their money, and they are purchasing my time with it. But I also won’t do it for extended periods of time, either

There are two important concepts to remember: respect and courtesy often ramp down demands, and we don’t have to do anything for the simple reason we are asked to do it. By applying these to situations, and assessing the importance to both yourself and the other person, you will be able to notch down stress.

If you honestly think you can’t give up people who cause you problems because of situational proximity, then you need to consider the situations and places. More on that next week.

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