Get Rid of Unnecessary Commitments Once and For All
“Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself. Being true to anyone else or anything else is not only impossible, but that mark of a fake messiah.” –Richard Bach
Overview
Our lives are packed with commitments. We have commitments to ourselves, family members, outside organizations all crowding our schedules. From time to time we need to review these commitments and prune them so we can make room in our lives for new activities, or for none at all.
Commitments come in three varieties: new commitments, current commitments, and recurring commitments. Let’s take a look at how to a) determine which ones are candidates and b) how to prune these three types.
New Commitments
New commitments are the ones that sneak up on you. They are usually delivered with a dose of guilt, or sold enthusiastically with the hopes that you will get swept up in the rush of adrenaline. New commitments are the easiest to prune. All it takes is a simple “No.”
When Should You Say Yes To New Commitments?
New commitments should be agreed to only if you can say that you would do it joyously with all your heart. If you feel any resentment or lack of feeling considering it, say no.
Saying No To New Commitments
Saying no is never easy. The best way to get through this is to buy yourself some time. My stock response is, “I’ll have to check the family calendar at home and let you know.” If the person says that is not good, then you have an easy out (and another reason not to get involved). If you get home and realize you really don’t want to do that, you can call and say that after consulting the calendar, you must decline.
Remember, you never need to give an excuse or an explanation. And quite frankly, those who are rude enough to demand one present a whole other realm of issues.
Current commitments
Current commitments are all the ones that are currently packing your calendar. If you have children you must transport to activities, their activities are also counted as part of your commitments.
Which Current Commitments Can Go?
Changing your current commitments requires that you know what your commitments are. You first need to make a list of all things you are obligated to do. Next, figure out why you are still doing them. Chances are, it will fall into the realm of the following: to please someone, a sense of obligation, no one else will do them.
Pleasing someone, unless it is yourself, is a sure path to disappointment. Obligations placed on you by other people need to be reconsidered frequently. And if you think no one else would do it, perhaps that is what needs to happen.
Which Ones Should Go?
If any of your commitments are a drag on your spirit or suck your life out, these are prime candidates to go. Don’t let a sense of obligation stop you…people who are truly interested in your well-being will understand. If you think no one else will fill the job, ask what the worst thing that can happen is. Truly, if the job is important enough, someone will step forward. If not, it probably didn’t need to be done to begin with.
I was doing volunteer computer support for an organization, and it was taking large chunks of my time and made me really grumpy. I had continued to do it because no one else had stepped forward, but I finally got up the nerve to flat out say that they would have to find someone else. No one stepped forward, and now the office staff is getting to the point where they can troubleshoot their own problems.
Getting Rid of Current Commitments
The nicest thing you can do is to give notice that you are giving up your obligation. Enough time to find a replacement is courteous to those who may be counting on you. While you don’t have to give a reason, it often softens the blow. My way of explaining the cutback is that I have evaluated my life, and this activity no longer fits. Most everybody has been supportive and understanding.
Recurring Commitments
Just like current commitments, recurring commitments are ones that come around periodically. Holiday pageants, annual fund raisers fall into this category. In addition to the reasons given above, you may feel obligated to do something because you have always done it. The same questions on regular commitments can be used, as well as the same methods for getting rid of them.
Summary
Evaluating your commitment load is an important way to simplify your life and enjoy what you are doing. Take a look and see if some pruning is necessary in your load!
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