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Accepting Help

Maintaining a living space should not be a one person job if more than one person lives there. But for many of us working moms, we have fallen into the habit of not asking for help. Asking for help is difficult, and accepting it is difficult too. Here are some ground rules to get you through:

1. Ask for what you need. Don’t expect others will know what needs to be done. “Would you load the dishwasher please?”
2. Don’t be offended at “no”. The other person may not agree. This is OK. At least you asked, and you’re no worse off than if you didn’t ask.
3. Have things that can be done. When someone offers, have something for them to do. My husband may not be able to pull a whole meal together, but he can make a mean salad. My daughter is too small to handle the vacuum, but she can scrub toilets.
4. No criticizing. If someone does something, don’t criticize it. It may not be done the way you would have preferred, or done it yourself, but it is done.
5. No hovering. If you’re dealing with an adult, don’t supervise the task. If a child needs supervision with a task, wait until you can teach them.
6. Don’t redo anything. If the task is done, it does not need to be redone. My mother folds towels differently than I do, but they were folded, and all I had to do was put them away.
7. Say thank you. Even if no one ever says thank you for what you do, you must still thank your helpers.

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Photo by Sarah Parrott

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